I got mad this morning.
It had been a while since I got mad in the morning. My oldest (age 10) and I used to fight almost every morning. I guess we are last minute kind of people. We haven’t had the slightest disagreement all school year, until today. She might not even realize we had a fight today (unless she is reading this). I will spare you the details but the overarching theme is that we were really late. I created a panic by pointing out that we were late and she ran out the door, headed for the bus. I was left with two squirming toddlers. I was trying to wrangle coats, shoes, and dirty faces while racing out the door after her. For the first time in her life, she actually closed a door behind her and I was stuck. I kicked it open because that’s how I roll. I then got tangled in some newly hung Christmas decorations. The only course of action was to violently throw them to the floor and stomp Santa’s silly face. The screen door became entangled in the rug that sits neatly in front of the door. Typically welcoming any potential visitors, on this occasion it was a snare trying to trip, maim, and otherwise make me late. Obviously, I had to kick the door again and curse the rug for existing. I dropped (gently secured) both babies into their designated stroller seats and realized I was not wearing shoes.
I roared up the hill behind the unsuspecting perpetrator intending to explain her infractions. By the time we caught up with her, I realized it was all my fault. Everything that had happened was because I was grumpy and had no patience. I was trying to do too many things in the limited time I had.
I was grumpy because I couldn’t fall asleep last night. I couldn’t fall asleep because my mind was racing. My mind was racing because I stayed up too late trying to cross off the last three things from my to-do list. I had to stay up late to get these things done because I hadn’t done them during my normal time. I hadn’t gotten them done during the normal time because I had spent all afternoon outside. It was a beautiful day.
It was a rare warm November day and I was barefoot in the garden. I did get a lot of stuff done that should have been done a month ago. I was so excited about the potential. I know all the cliches about the potential of springtime but fall has so much potential too. Things settle down and rest. But if you look close, you can see plants waiting, getting ready for spring. I love this time of year, especially on warm days when you can justify putting off the things that should be done. I need to practice gratitude more.
I am now going to head back outside because it is another surprisingly warm day. I will put off the things that should be done and probably stay up too late trying to get them done. However, I swear on the sanctity of the internet that tomorrow morning I will not get mad.
I got mad this morning.