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Sacrament of Coffee

Time for my daily sacrament of coffee
Everything is prepared just right
I sip it
Coffee’s cold

Well, most mornings it’s a real struggle for us to get out the door
I don’t know why, there is never a good reason for it
We just can’t get out the door in the morning
We’re always scratching and clawing and fighting and carrying on 
Just to get out the door
And I can remember one particular morning where things were real bad
We were as late as we’ve ever been
I did’t think we were gong to make it at all
I don’t know why but I was losing my mind
I was screaming and yelling and carrying on
Just yelling at everybody
I went into drill sergeant mode
You know, trying to get everybody lined up at the door
I don’t know why I did it, I’m not real proud of it
I don’t know why I did it
But I kicked open the back door like I was on a commando raid
I just kicked open the back door 
I’m yelling go, go, go, go, go
You know, just trying to get out the door
Then, we got to get big sis’ to the bus on time
So we are running up the hill 
Like we are storming a machine gunners nest in an old World War 2 movie
There’s kids hanging everywhere
There’s kids on my back
It’s all knees and elbows
As we are running up the hill, yelling and carrying on
I don’t know how we are going to make it
But somehow we made it on time
I don’t know how
It was a Tuesday morning miracle my friends
We made it on time
Her day was saved
Don’t worry, we made it
Now we are headed back to the house 
To see what we’re gonna get into next
I feel like there was something I was doing before all this panic set in
Oh, that’s right, it was the sacrament of coffee
I had everything prepared just right 
But now you guessed it
Now I am drinking my coffee cold

Time for my daily sacrament of coffee
Everything is prepared just right
I sip it
Coffee’s cold

Well, then there is the phase
If you’ve had little kids, you’ll know this phase
If you’ve grown up with little kids in the house
You’ll understand this phase
It is the phase where you’ll be standing there minding your own business
You’ll just be minding your own business
And you feel a little tiny hand tugging on your pant leg
So naturally you look down
Because there is a tiny hand tugging on your pant leg
Somebody looks up at you and they say
Hey Pops, hey Pops, I got to go potty
You are right, you do have to go potty
You are peeing on my floor as we speak
Child, what is you problem
Why are you peeing on my floor
If you have to go potty, then get yourself to the potty
Don’t just stand there talking about it
What is you problem, child
I thought they said all you came housebroken
If I had known all this business
Things might’ve been real different around here
Well, then you find yourself on you hands and knees
Scrubbing urine out of the carpet
You’re trying to peel wet underwear off of a tiny little naked butt
There’s always something to clean up
There is always a mess around here
Maybe somebody got peanut butter on the cat again
Or they smeared their buttery toast all through their hair
That is hard to clean up
Or maybe there is a trail of coffee dribbles all through the kitchen
Hey, don’t judge me
I make messes too
It happens, you know, it happens
There is always a mess to clean up around here
There is always something
By the time you get done cleaning up all your messes
You guessed it
Now I am drinking my coffee cold

Time for my daily sacrament of coffee
Everything is prepared just right
I sip it
Coffee’s cold

Then there was this one perfect day
It was a magical day, everything was going Brother Jack’s way
I just couldn’t believe it
It was all working out perfect
I had hot, steamy coffee going on, there
It was all at the right time
And I poured myself a cup
I poured myself a perfect cup of coffee
And I set it down there on the stand
I was just getting ready to settle into the chair
And I looked down and there’s these big eyes looking up at me
These big eyes looking up at me
And they say, hey Pops, hey Pops
Your coffee smells so good
Your coffee smells so good and I know you love to drink the coffee
Can I have a little sip of your coffee
Well, that is sweet
You want to be like your dear old dad
But no, you can not have a sip of my coffee
I’ll tell you why
You see, this is the sacrament of coffee after all
Everything is prepared just right
And no you cannot have a sip of my coffee
This coffee is much too hot for you
You might burn your precious little mouth
And I don’t want you to burn your precious little mouth
So no, you cannot have a sip of my coffee
There you go, problem solved
We’ll be moving on now
I turn my back for a split second
I was just going to get a book to read
Everything’s got to be prepared just right
It is the sacrament of coffee after all 
So I just turned my back for a split second
Child, why would you put a crayon in my coffee cup
What is wrong with you
Oh Pops, oh Pops, don’t get mad at me
Don’t get mad at me, Pops, I was worried about you
I was worried about you
I was just trying to help you out
You see, you said your coffee was so hot
Pops, I didn’t want you to burn your precious little mouth
So, I thought if I put a crayon in your coffee cup
A crayon in your coffee cup might cool things off
And hey look
Now your coffee is pink

Time for my daily sacrament of coffee
Everything is prepared just right
I sip it
Coffee’s cold

Someday you’ll grow up and I’ll be left to my own devices
Maybe I’ll learn to play the organ or read a book without any pictures
There will be lots of occasions to fulfill the sacred sacrament of coffee
I’ll enjoy it completely and at the right time
But I know I will miss the days when I drank my coffee cold